THE ELEMENT

CHAPTER 1. THE THERAPIST

It was mid-day and I finally decided to see a therapist. My legs were shaking seeing this four storey building.  But my mind questioned all the way upstairs ‘Do you really need a therapist?’ Do you really need help or its just because of others?’

The more I questioned and the sooner; ‘3^rd floor’ lift answered me. Grey door right Infront of me just reflecting my feeling of grim on my face.

 It was past 12:00 P.M. and I receive a text; ‘your appointment with Mrs. Anukhya Gopal Krishnan Psy.D, M.S. is scheduled at 12:30 P.M. kindly make your presence possibly before 15 mins.’
What now? I have to wait for 15 long minutes?

As I opened the door, the receptionist asked my details and made me sit on cushion where my knees were up to the level of my chest.

‘What horrific the seating is here; you make the patients sit in a bucket?’ I angrily responded to her when she calmy said ‘please make yourself comfortable, the doctor will see you in a bit’.

When I looked myself in the standing mirror, which was kept beside the patient’s furniture; How hilarious that I already started considering myself as a patient! Oh, so funny me.

I started sweating and my tremors in hand were visible, I didn’t want anybody to notice it. when I started looking around, there were two cctv cameras in the corners.

And the moment I saw them, I was profusely sweating, my hands became wet and tremors increased.

Suddenly the bell rang; the sound from the speaker came; ‘Send him in’.

And I was called in.

The moment I entered the room, it wasn’t like any sort of clinical room it was big dorm which had all sort of artistic paintings all over. In center of the room there were two big chairs with no hands to rest on but a huge back rest. The therapist was sitting on one and asked me to sit on another one.

She was looking so beautiful with such a calmness in her smile. And so, I understand why she choose to become a therapist of all things to do in one’s life.

Hi, Prithvi. Prithvi isn’t it?  she spoke.

Yes, I replied.

‘So, tell me about yourself and what made you bring it to my knowledge’.

I startled,’ um, ah.. its about my … this thing.. that is happening to me…’

Its ok, you can tell me anything.

Do you have anyone to speak openly with? She asked.

‘Yes, I have but I don’t do it, I feel I don’t have, I don’t know’; I replied.

I didn’t know a thing what I was speaking but something inside was stopping me not to say a word.

She understood, she handed me a cup which was empty. She asked me to sip it with sound and feel as if it was having my most fav drink in it.

And so I did. ‘ssssiiipppp’ I drank my own saliva. Oh, what a relief! I asked her can I do this again? She said ‘no, now you have to tell me what you are dealing with’.

Okay, so it is about a thing which I have told to many but nobody has got any solution to that and that’s why I am here. I searched in google, it says I have got some mental disorder. I don’t know how to get rid of it and it is taking a big troll on me.

It’s okay, can you tell me any recent incident where you felt this thing.

It was just 30 mins before, I saw these cctv cameras and I started sweating.

How often do you feel this sweatiness? She asked.

When I am riding; I replied.

And when I am getting dressed up; I replied.

When I go out with friends to hang out; I again replied.

I wanted to say, every single minute I feel so, but stopped uttering a single word.

How do you feel before sweating?

Oh, what a stupid question I thought to myself. Obviously hot, I replied.

NO! she said, think again and answer me.

Okay so yeah, I feel frozen. I replied. But how did she know that after feeling cold I started sweating. Nobody guessed it. She must be daughter to Sherlock Holmes. I chuckled.

Tell me more about this freezing thing she said.

I feel frozen when I am doing anything like any sort of thing. I feel somebody is staring at me all the time. I don’t get sleep at night times thinking there’s somebody watching me and my patterns.

Can you tell me any recent incident where you felt this thing?

It happened a week ago, I was attending a meeting for which my boss sent me to and I had to give a speech about the product launch.

How did you feel? Was it anything about people over there?

No, the cameras, the shuttering sounds. I couldn’t bear that sound, those flashes on my face. I felt my feet was frozen and stuck to ground. I couldn’t move an inch. I started sweating, didn’t speak a word and just left the stage. I answered with a grimed face.

She could sense my embarrassment, my inferiority, my struggle from 3 meter distance itself.

Because of this thing, from past umm, 5 years I am not able to do anything better in my life. I tried to kill myself twice. But death didn’t come as easy as this cold does.

5 years? You didn’t mention it before? She asked surprisingly. Can you take me back to 5 years? What incident happened during that time ?

There, she sensed my palpitations, my shivers, my trembling feet, my shaking voice. And yes, in that just a single number she caught my breath.   

 

CHAPTER 2. MEETING HER

It was in the month of June; I did perform my last exam literally very well and bid my friends goodbye.

I reached to the parking lot and saw a red scooty which encroached into my bike’s parking space. I saw my bike had few scratches on safety bar and muffler. It felt as if my bike was banged.

And oh yes, when its lady driving, I can presume this sort of thing. I said.

Excuse me? Doctor politely preceded her expression.

Nothing, my bike was smashed by a lady driver for sure. I was so angry and upset at the same time because that was my new bike. I waited for nearly 30 mins to have a word with the lady herself.

There were group of girls walking towards parking lot, few of them had bike keys in their hands, I had to make out from those girls who hit my bike, and yes it wasn’t so sure, but the girl in red dress matching this red scooty with red lipstick, curly hair, smiling and chuckling with her girls had to be it who by nature is in rush of things must have hit my bike.

Oh! I am not son of sherlock Holmes, doctor. But it was wild guess and so natural that my eyes caught her. I wanted that girl to be the one with whom I wanted to have a word with.

And wow, to my surprise she walked straight towards me. I was sitting on my bike’s seat. She ducked her face down trying not to give any eye contact.

But how would I lose this opportunity, I politely asked her; what made you hit my bike so hard? Does it look so sexy that made you spank at? Lol. I laughed.

She gave a look from corner of her eye, and said, I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to, I was late for the exam and I was in a hurry that’s it. If you want, I can pay for the damage occurred to you; She spoke reluctantly.

Coffee? I surprised her with my question.

What? Is this some sort of advantage?

She replied, I won’t go out with strangers and men who take this scene as opportunity.

She was so courageous and said No right on my face. Very few have that quality doc. I said.

Oh hey, you don’t have to feel me as a stranger, I your college mate and I have finished my final semester. I don’t think it’s wrong in going out with a senior?

 So you are the one who’s sending my morphed images? She asked.

What? What morph? I didn’t get you. I answered in a shock.

She came close to me and held my collar; I dare you if you send me one more picture I will see that your career gets ruined and make sure that you are sent behind the bars.

Hey, sorry, you are mistaken. I assume I have seen you for the first time. Don’t misunderstand. I was just interested in you. That’s it.

If you have the same feeling meet me tomorrow in the canteen for lunch; I said and left.

That night I couldn’t sleep, her face flashed whole time.

Her breath, her smell when she came close to me was so intimidating. I couldn’t take her off my mind.

But what was that about her morphed images? Is she in some kind of trouble?

Is there a chance that I can be helpful in any sort of way to this girl?

I was dying to see her next day in canteen.

Will she come tomorrow?

Will she feel free to have a conversation with me?

Who the heck might it be who is black mailing her?

And why would someone do anything so horrific to a girl?

Does this thing happen to beautiful girls? How protective might their parents feel after having a baby girl then?

Damn this mind. Doesn’t stop questioning me, let’s see what tomorrow has got in.

It was past 3:00 A.M. and I told myself ‘to look good tomorrow you should have good sleep baby’

And I slept closing my eyes with flashes of images of hers.

When I opened my eyes, she was the first thing that came to my mind.

What was her name? Damn it! I don’t even know her name.

I quickly freshened up and dressed myself into white shirt and blue jeans. No I wasn’t feeling it as a date though but it had to be something close to it. I smiled at myself looking into the mirror and left to college at 10: 00 A.M itself.

I reached college around 11:30 A.M; I didn’t mention any of my friends coming to college today because I bid them goodbye yesterday itself. They would laugh at me if I appeared the very next day of our final semester at college.

I directly went to canteen and took a corner table assuming it would be comfortable for her to come sit and talk.

It was past 12:00 P.M., I knew she would come for sure. I was staring the door, watching every single girl whoever entered thinking it to be her.

I sat there for nearly 2 hours watching every other girl, but there was no sign of her.

CHAPTER 3. THE ALARM

I couldn’t sleep the whole night. Tried shuffling through some net surfaces to find out criminal cases which were lodged against morphing images and recording stuffs through hidden cameras.

My heart started beating so fast, my sixth sense started alarming something else but I just ignored all of the signs. My mind was very much indulged in her thoughts and so I was eagerly waiting for the sunrise and to sit back at canteen again.

It was sharp 10 A.M, just like yesterday I left to college.

To my dismay there was a sign board at the main gate itself, which said candle lights to be lit towards the grand hall.

What lights? And why candles? I smirked off.

I parked my vehicle and head towards the grand hall.
The moment I entered, I stood aghast at the sight of this hoarding.

I scrutinized the whole thing on the stage but only one thing caught my eyes

REST IN PEACE NEHA with her picture on it.

‘Neha? Who Neha? Why Neha? How is it Neha? Moveeee….. where is she? I have to see her. Who did this ? it cannot be true…..’ 

I was stupefied right at that moment.  My legs froze… I couldn’t move an inch from the ground, I started sweating.

Only when I woke up, I saw myself in the hospital of our college kept under observation by our senior consultant.  He said ‘you were found unconscious and with damp clothes nearly and may be because of primary hyperhidrosis’.

That is a condition where excess of perspiration occurs to be precise which he later explained.

I didn’t ask him any of my diagnosis instead asked him; Sir, can you please take me to the girl in the photo.

He replied; It seems she is 3^rd year biotechnology student. It happened yesterday evening. You didn’t know? You are from which branch?

Sir I am from IT department uh, um finished my exams lately; I cluttered and left the place.

It was past 1 30 P.M. almost all of our college mates were standing and arranging things for the candle light march which was arranged by their department at 5 00 P.M in the evening hour.

The only thing that was running in my mind was Neha, Neha why she dead? Why didn’t she come? What happened? Is this anything related to morphing her images?

I rushed towards the Bio-tech block and enquired her house and everything related to the cremation timing stuff.

When I reached there, I saw huge building with big verandah where all her relatives were seating.

My sixth sense started alarming saying it was related to the morphing thing.

I had to find out if it was suicide or homicide. If suicide she must have left a message for sure. I went in, there were so many to see her one last time.

CHAPTER. 4 THE MESSAGE

I raced to her bedroom which my sherlock brain knew would be the one having balcony. When I entered, I saw a hanging saree to the fan.

‘Oh my god!! She hung herself? What on earth happened that she hurt herself? There has to some message left and I started searching for it’.

Later on, Soon I was followed by her friends, they stared at me like I was some burglar.

Its all in my face I thought to myself.

‘So Prithvi, did this all start since you lost the girl whom you wanted to Date?’ Doctor Anukhya interrupted.

No doc, that wasn’t all. 

There was this wall over her desk which was kind of some gallery, it had a note which nobody saw in first place.

‘It’s still in my diary doc’. I ushered her towards my backpack.

Doctor taking the note in her hand and reading it out;

“I called, nobody answered.
I should have screamed but at what cost? I have already lost the play’.
This body is mine and I will own it anyway.
 Goodbye”.

‘Oh my god! This little one had to go through so much’. The doctor exclaimed.  Didn’t you show it to anyone? Doctor asked dauntedly.

‘oh yes I did, to file an FIR. Her last words were to put that person behind the bars. And so, I did it’. ‘This note is a copy, the original remained with police’; I expounded.

When he was caught, they called me back to the police station to show the images and videos so that they were deleting on site. I cannot explain how hideous and terribly her images were morphed alongside recorded her videos in trial rooms.

‘I understand.’ Doctor comprehended.
‘But why do you feel its all because of you? Why have you taken the load of guilt on your shoulders?’

‘Oh, so the probe begins now’; I glared at her.
It was after that note which she wrote ‘I called nobody answered’. Yes, indeed! She called for help, though indirectly but she had me in first position’.
‘I was late. I should have followed her. I was of no use; my stacking mind didn’t realize it beforehand’; I hushed.

‘Henceforward, I couldn’t withstand if anyone stared, or if I was observed and kept in so called limelight’. 

 

CHAPTER 5. THE PHOBIA

‘I can fathom all of it and treat you under a phobia and talk you through it if you are comfortable in going forward’; Doctor had her say.

So, Am I dealing with serious mental illness? I asked her turning grey.

‘It isn’t something which cannot be treated, but yes you are dealing with Scopophobia.’
 There are ‘n’ number of phobia’s and I am not telling it because you have to be named under some category. It’s just that you can be characterized which becomes easy to treat you.’

‘What ever happened until date, has no deal to do with you Prithvi.
It’s all god’s plan to put you in some other’s story so you can bring that change in becoming a part in some body else’s story.
“After all, in the end we all become stories”
Because of you the criminal got arrested and you saved many other girl’s lives.
You played it off really very well Prithvi.’  
Now all you have to do is rearrange yourself.’  Doctor spouted off.

She started writing list of medications and few tests on the prescription with review date coming next week for another session.

‘Prithvi, you can take as many sessions as you like. Feel free to take appointment.’; She gave a wide smile.

‘Ok so which I presume had to be strictly followed, like you said if I have to rearrange myself.’

‘undoubtedly’; doctor winked.

While leaving the grey door I gave a glimpse to CCTV camera and smiled at it.

I surely was relieved with the load of guilt on my shoulder.

AFTER ALL, IN THE END WE ALL BECOME STORIES; 

my mind replayed the words over and over.  

‘’Let’s become a part of another story then,’’ I smirked when lift said;

‘Ground floor’.